Look Who is Wrecking Your Life Now - The Power of Influence

Someone came up to me after a seminar and asked me what was the number-one reason people fail to achieve their potential. That’s a great question, isn’t it?

Think about it. If someone is capable of accomplishing something and they want to do it … BUT they don’t …, wouldn’t it be valuable to understand why?

My answer came quickly that day. And the more I think about it, this answer still rings true:

“The number-one reason people fail to achieve their potential is the people they choose to hang around.” Rick Butts

Learning this lesson, then observing the implications of it all around me, has been one of the landmark foundations in my own personal growth.

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This article is an excerpt from Rick's underground best selling book "The Big 'Butts' of Life - Get Off Your Excuses and Do Big Things!"

You can download the eboook for free! Click here to get your free copy now!

(Coming soon - you'll be able to purchase the paperback - not in stores. It will be available here on the website.

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“We tend to become the average of our five closest associates.”

You don’t think this is true?

Well, think about how two people in a marriage often begin to resemble one another.

Two completely different people start to spend a lot of time together.

They eat the same foods.

They share each other’s clothes.

They live in a house where they each get the same amount of sunlight.

Watch the same shows on TV.

Then, one day, they get a dog. People nearby street observe that all three of them bear a striking resemblance to one another as they stroll through the park.

The power of association is so great that its influence is almost impossible to measure. This powerful force is hard to see while it’s happening because it’s so gradual and subtle.

Think about the Five Closest Associates Theory

Don’t the people in your life influence your opinions? Do they recommend the movies you see and the books you read (or don’t read)? Do they push their opinions and belief systems, on you?

Of course, we all influence each other in a thousand subtle ways.

Over time, we become the people we are—largely due to the influence of others.

Why?

Why don’t we just go out into the world, investigate the facts of life, observe what works or doesn’t work, and decide for ourselves?

We don’t do this because of our desire for acceptance. Since we were kids, we wanted so desperately to fit in that we made a point of learning how.

We discovered that if we went along with the crowd, the crowd let us be part of it.

Don’t think for a moment that desire ended at high school graduation.

For many, this unconscious force to be accepted will trap them into lives of toil and frustration as they pursue a safe path. They path needs to be acceptable to the group with which they identify.

Thus, the power of the group rules the lives of its members.

And the members of the group influence the lives of each other in powerful ways.

Now, here’s the truly scary part.

The "pack" doesn’t like it when you break the chain and become successful.

Your success embarrasses people who are lazy and not as bright as you.

Yeah, I know that you’d think it wouldn’t be this way.

You’d think that the people in our group would encourage you to be all that you can be.

They will even tell you they will play that role for you.

BUTT they won’t.

There will be subtle clues in their behavior that your new venture won’t be embraced like the predictable old (group-like) behavior you’ve always shown.

The average group is exactly that…average. And its fragile bond is its unspoken assent to not embarrass one another with an extraordinary performance.

This crazy operating system pervades most families, too. How do you think we know to do it automatically in our adult groups?

Watch what happens to the son or daughter of a lazy or dependent parent when the child really stands up and “goes for it.”

When this pack-think attitude invades a team in the workplace or an entire small business, the results can be devastating.

Woe to the manager or business owner who tries to motivate this group! They are in for a very tough haul because they will harden fast and resist change…unless external forces prove them to be a safe alternative for the entire team.

All groups are not like this.

Plenty of groups are not built around the mutually assured average standard:

“There are some groups, usually formed intentionally by its members, who thrive on the success of one another.”

In fact, the members of these groups encourage each other to make progress. They demand achievement by their persistent pursuit of new frontiers.

Here’s how to tell what kind of group you are part of:

Start talking about doing a BIG THING.

See what kind of encouragement you get.

See how quickly the group will swallow you up and go back to its usual topics of discussion.

See how uncomfortable the group is with any lengthy discussion of your new plans.

Listen to the subtle negativity.

“Well, Rick, good luck on that. You are sure going to need it,” they chuckle.

“No one from our family ever did anything like that.”

“I heard about someone who tried that…once. They didn’t last long.”

Is that feedback helpful?

No, that is brain poisoning.

Jesus told his followers, “If you are for us, you are not against us.” And he said, “If you are against us you are not for us.”

Now, this is a pretty complex statement for someone who ordinarily limits his advice to a few words.

He might not have made it in multi-level marketing with his short recruiting speech: “Follow me.”

What does this cryptic statement mean?

I believe he was attempting to communicate to his followers the power of association.

He was really illustrating the “either/or” nature of influence.

It’s either for us or against us. There can be no middle ground.

So here is my application of this idea relative to the BIG BUTTS of Life:

“Everyone you encounter is either helping you get where you want to go or preventing you from getting there. There are no neutral people in your life.”

It’s subtle.

It’s ugly.

It’s true.

I do mean everyone.

The supportive teacher or coach is a part of your positive progress in life.

Negative people can be a part of the obstacles we face, slowing us down and even blocking us from getting where we want to go.

Does this mean that the surly fellow at the dry cleaners who doesn’t smile when I come in, never knows my name, and acts like it’s a pain in the neck to get take my money keeps me from living my vacation in Paris?

Yes!

Even the smallest encounter with negative people can be a hit on our emotional energy.

The fragile fuel of our positive mental attitude gets spent fighting the negativity, trying to cheer them up, justifying their snotty, eye-rolling looks, and even gearing up for another encounter.

They are energy vampires who are sucking the positive-ness out of us.

Take that small influence—the guy at the dry cleaners—then look at the really big ones—

a disapproving parent or spouse—and see how these contacts add up to keeping us from the power we might experience if we were free of them.

“Attempting to find happiness through the approval of others is like trying to drink from a dry well.”

So take a close look at your group.

This filter will quickly put your relationships in perspective as you round up the usual suspects of people you hang around with.

Think about what influential people you have in your life today.

Are they recommending good books?

Going to seminars to learn new things?

Do they encourage you in healthy habits or in destructive ones?

Take it deeper and ask this enormously powerful question: Is that okay?

If it is, good.

If it’s not, the simple answer is to get rid of those in the group. I call this the seminar answer. In reality, it’s rarely that easy.

Usually, the people who get to be in your top five list didn’t earn that spot overnight. If you spend enough time with someone, he or she gets into your top five—a co-worker, a relative, or someone else you have to be around.

So the answer for being with those no-choice people is “restricted involvement.”

Little by little, you don’t have time to have lunch with them today. You sit somewhere else. You make subtle changes until you can gradually plug in to new habits and people.

Next, seek out new people to fill the gap.

Choose these comrades more carefully than your accidental associates and they will become your co-adventurers in your quest of dreams.